A lot of women have no problem telling when they’re ready to have a child. There’s the biological clock aspect of it, and some women make up their mind from a young age and have their heart set and ready for it for years. But what about when it comes to choosing the man you have that kid with? You might be ready, but are you ready to have it with him in particular?
Is there a good division of labour?
Now, the kind of work that women do in a family versus the kind of work that men do in a family traditionally tends to differ. When children come along, it can make the roles even more distinct. But what’s important is that he isn’t leaving the child-rearing to you alone, but is willing to pick up responsibility, from bottle feeding to getting up in the night to use the “daddy effect” to coax a turbulent child to sleep. If he doesn’t already share some of the division of labour, then are you certain he’ll do it when there’s a child demanding his responsibility?
Would you trust him with a contract?
Would you trust the man in your life with a joint credit card or bank account? It might sound like a weird question, but there are legal obligations that he will have to sign if he enters the child’s life. Parental responsibility is assigned to the name of the father on the birth certificate, even if he’s not married. How committed is he to responsibilities that he takes on in his life?
Is he good with kids?
This isn’t always a 100% match. Some guys are great with kids, but not quite ready for the responsibility of their own. Others might seem “disinterested” in children in general, but light up at the thought of being a dad. However, in general, if your guy is good with kids, then you can expect that he will be good with your kids, as well. Try spending time with nephews and nieces and see how he reacts to them before you broach the subject of starting on the path to parenthood.
He’s responsible for himself
Effectively, you shouldn’t trust someone to be responsible for someone else if they have trouble being responsible for themselves. Does he take care of his finances? Is he organised with his time? Does he skip out of things like after-work drinks when they might throw off his plans or routine? Does he commit to both self-care and caring for you? Responsibility is crucial for a dad, a must-have, and you can’t wait for him to step up while you’re dealing with a squalling babe. Aside from looking at how he handles his current responsibilities, ask how he would deal with the burdens of being a dad.
You can never 100% know what’s in the mind and heart of a partner, even one you trust and love with all your heart. Having a sit-down and paying close attention to his answers is the best way to ensure that you’re making the right choice.