This morning I read a brilliant blog post on Why I don’t want men to offer me a seat on the train by the lovely Alison from Not Another Mummy Blog, however it got me wondering if chivalry is dead.
As the parent of 4 boys, two of them in their mid to late teens I have always drummed in to them to be polite and courteous and to treat women with respect and I am proud to say that they are always praised for it. Even Isaac yesterday let a girl off the bus before him because she was on crutches and then said ‘thank you’ to the bus driver – not one other child had done that and it got picked up on by the teacher and he was praised for it.
My husband and older sons are the sort of gentlemen that would offer a lady their seat on the tube, will hold a door open for women and will help them with a heavy bag or buggy is they see she is struggling and there is nothing wrong with that. It is not about equality, it is not about treating people differently, it is about respect.
All my children are polite enough to hold doors open for people, regardless of gender as it is a common courtesy. I think a lot of that has gone these days and I have had doors slam in my face more than are held open for me these days. My kids and I would also give up a seat for a member of the older generation regardless of gender too.
I feel sorry for men these days, they don’t seem to be able to be doing right for doing wrong. I took the tube a few months ago with just me and three young children on my own. No woman offered to move seats so the kids could sit down, no woman helped me up the stairs with the buggy – it was only men that offered and I really appreciated it.
Personally I think chivalry is harmless and we are in no way damaging the efforts to achieve equality for everyone, in fact I am sad that it is disappearing in an ever busy world where everyone only cares about themselves.
What do you think, do you agree with Alison that it is harming our bid for equality or do you think it is a harmless common courtesy?
You don’t need me to tell you what I think Kara, as I’ve harped on about it on my blog 😉 Your sons sound LOVELY and the fact one of them let the girl on crutches off the bus is brilliant. She clearly needed some kindness shown to her (because of her crutches, not because of her gender!) We’re never going to agree on this, but I think it’s good to debate it!
There never will be equality as men and women are different and thank goodness for that. Sadly I think people are getting more ignorant and rude whilst others seem embarrassed to help others. If you’re looking for common courtesy though the London Underground is the last place to find it!
Common courtesy. You are so right – nobody offers to help these days and although I do not have a son I will continue to teach my Daughter to have respect and help her elders.
Makes me really proud when my Husband helps the ladies or his elders out!
I agree with Alison that it makes no sense to want equality and then expect to be offered a seat by a man. Of course this places an odd burden on our boys, stuck between quite the rock and the hard place. So I think it best that we continue to teach our boys to be chivalrous but be sure to teach our girls to say, no thank you.
I read that too. I want my boys to be kind for kindnesses sake and to always be kinder than they need to be. If that means holding doors open for men and women that that is OK. We wouldn’t hold a door open for an old lady, but close it for the old man!
I believe that equality is what we need, not everyday sexism and I hope I am raising my boys to see women as their equals (if not betters)!
I think you have instilled some great value in your boys in all honesty and no I don’t think chivalry is dead.
Common courtesy is the way to go – no matter what the gender. I’ve not read the other article mentioned, but I’m off to go and read that after I’ve finished commenting here.
It’s all about courtesy. I am all for chivalry and I don’t think it affects equality.
I wouldn’t expect a man to offer their seat to me )or something similar) but if they did then I would take that as a kind gesture and not an act that in any way could harm women’s rights if that makes sense. Equally, I would offer my seat up to someone more in need of it than me – male of female.